As I child I was told early on that I asked too many questions and had too many needs. My father was constantly angry, and he told me it was my responsibility to not make him so. So my response was to belittle my needs, and try to be less demanding.
Recently, I found myself in a similar pattern in a project I was working on, where I felt like I was walking on eggshells to fulfill the needs of someone else. I dismissed my own needs in favor of theirs and began getting resentful.
Yet I am a firm believer that we need to stand up for our rights and what we believe in, and that if we stay silent, we will lose our voice and our power.
I realized that I am caught in this conflict of not knowing, when is it OK to speak up, and when is it better to shut up?
I’ve recently noticed the pattern that people with healthier relationships do speak up. They feel more entitled to being treated well than I do, and there is even research to support this.
I was in the midst of pondering this conundrum, when I showed up for my yoga class. The teacher talked about setting an intention for our practice, but said that to face our current times, we need something deeper, something more long lasting, we need to concept of the sankalpa.
What is the sankalpa?Read More
I was taught early in life that hard work was the key to success. If we didn’t get a perfect report card, we were told that it was because we weren’t working hard enough. Because I had a learning disability and didn’t get the support I needed, I learned that I’d have to struggle to get what I wanted.
So that set me on the early course of constantly striving to be better, subconsciously hoping that I could some day gain the acceptance I so desperately craved.
While I now work hard for other reasons, I still find that the harder I push myself, the less tolerant I become when things don’t go my way.
So people who are ambitious and work hard, but are also to go with the flow really impress me. My friend Peter Feysa is a great example of this. We took a badly needed break and went hiking and swimming in the alpine lakes. Every time he set out to swim, my friend’s dog Irene felt the need to herd him in. He took it well, and even seemed to be enjoying it, even though she would circle him and get in the way. After several laps, I noticed he had scratches all over his back from Irene, but he never mentioned it until I brought it up. When I did, he shrugged them off! I know I wouldn’t have taken it that well!
So how do people like Peter balance the stress and still so gracefully handle all the bumps along the way?
Here are some mindset shifts that help such people go with the flow:Read More
I call myself a Holistic Healer for a Happy & Healthy Brain, and yet I release subconscious barriers. So how does releasing subconscious barriers change the brain?
While I can’t provide decisive evidence about how it changes the brain, I can conjecture a theory based on current findings in neuroscience.
We know, thanks to the discoveries of neuroplasticity, that our brains are constantly evolving, and that habit changes rewire the brain.Read More
People are too willing to give up on me.
As a child, I remember a teacher who told me I shouldn’t be in a dance performance that I wanted to participate in. In graduate school, I was encouraged by more than one teacher to drop out. They thought that because I struggled in the classes, that I didn’t have what it takes to get my Ph.D. I’ve been fired from jobs, and people who’s friendships really mattered to me, stopped returning my calls.
As painful as these rejections have been, I’ve always strived to learn from them. While my heart has been broken too many times, and much of that grief set me back for a long time, there’s been an important part of me that has been determined to learn the lesson from the experience, and resolve to do better in the future.
And I have. With my determination and the discovery of powerful techniques like the Emotion Code, the Body Code and EFT, I’m reaching goals that I couldn’t even envision in the past because they seemed so far away from possible.
So why have others been so willing to give up on me even when I haven’t?Read More
My friend Jim Kellner performs “mental magic” to audiences around the country. Technically, he’s a stage hypnotist and a couple of weeks ago, he did a performance where he hypnotized a few people, including a friend of mine, Brian. Here’s just a little taste from the show. (Warning: you might not want to drink anything while watching. It could get messy!)
I talked to Brian a few days afterwards, and asked him how it was, and he said, “it was the weirdest thing, but I don’t remember anything about it!”. I just remember waking up and feeling really relaxed!
I confess, as a person that is less susceptible to hypnosis, I marvel that some people can get that deeply hypnotized. Furthermore, his shows really awaken my curiousity! What is going on in their brains that make them so highly suggestible?Read More
For most of my life, I didn’t feel like I fit in.
To start, I didn’t look like anyone else. As a Eurasian in the 70’s, I was a pretty rare breed. I don’t remember meeting anyone else who was Eurasian in the US until I got into high school!
I also wasn’t good at making friends, and then we moved to Hong Kong, and my parents put my sister and I in a Chinese speaking school. We only spoke English at the time.
These early life experiences set me up to feel like an outsider for the rest of my life.
For most of my life, I felt rejected, unloved, and unacceptable.
I still don’t fit in, but my attitude towards not fitting in has shifted 180 degrees.Read More