Help Others More Effectively

Help Others More Effectively

Do you have someone in your family who just can’t seem to get their life together?  You might have family members who won’t engage in healthy behaviors, are depressed, and are often addicts.

Do you find yourself worrying about them so much that it is taking away from your enjoyment of life?   Do you feel compelled to help, yet frustrated, hopeless and helpless about the situation?

If so, you are not alone.  I regularly talk with anxious caretakers who want me to help their loved ones.   Some realize that they would be more effective as caretakers if

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How to Get From Conflict to Understanding

How to Get From Conflict to Understanding

When we get frustrated with others, we can get mired in our stories and locked into repeating patterns of behavior. It’s easy to get stuck in the blaming game.

I went to a workshop with dementia care expert, Teepa Snow, this week. She gave a perfect example of why so many of us can get stuck in frustration mode with members of our family.

The biggest mistake we make in relationships is this:

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From Trauma Drama to Ease in Relationships

From Trauma Drama to Ease in Relationships

I have a client who had 2 difficult housemates and didn’t feel like he could move.   He called them entitled, and he felt like they regularly demanded far more from him than they were willing to do themselves.    He often felt enraged, like a seething volcano about ready to erupt!  He didn’t feel like he knew how to react to these kinds of stressful relationships!

He felt resentful because he was doing a large majority of the shared responsibilities.   He was very concerned about saying something because he felt that, no matter how respectful he tried to be, they had a pattern of lashing out, being vindictive, or undermining his needs.

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What Makes Men Violent?

What Makes Men Violent?

When I heard about the last mass shooting in Vegas, I felt physically ill.  If the shooter was a Muslim or anything other than White, the media and politicians would label him as a terrorist.

If the shooter is White, they say that he has mental health issues.

But what has been the common denominator in 88 out of the last 91 shootings?  It is that the shooter is a male.

While most men are not violent, most of the violence is committed by men.   In fact, 90% of homicides are by men.   And it is time that we as a country start to address the underlying causes before more lives are lost!

So what makes men violent?

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Seven Underlying Causes of Racism

Seven Underlying Causes of Racism

Many of us are disturbed by the increase of racial tensions that seems to be permeating the news these days. What I find especially upsetting is that this racial divide, especially between Blacks and Whites has not seemed to improve in many parts of the country for centuries.

I think it’s time that we envision an America where we can see beyond race.

I want to live in a country where we value each other’s cultures and experiences, where we try to forgive both ourselves and each other for past wrongs, and where we can recognize our privileges, and support those who don’t have the same opportunities.

But to first stop racism, we first have to understand what causes it in the first place.

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The Dangers of Avoiding Conflict

The Dangers of Avoiding Conflict

I grew up in a home where I was regularly yelled at for doing things like leaving lights on, for eating too much, or wanting too much. I was told that it was my job not to make my father angry, and so I felt like I was constantly stressed, and feeling like I was walking on egg-shells around the house.   I was taught that we had to respect and obey our elders, and the idea of standing up for myself was completely foreign to me.   Since I didn’t believe I would be able to avoid his anger, I tried to not have feelings and needs.   This set me up for a lifelong pattern of isolating when I was unhappy, and trying to deal with it on my own.

The problem with this model, is

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