We can’t be healthy alone

In America, we frame our ability to succeed in terms of our own skills and hard work. We are typically incentivized to win, to become that next big star, to reach that next milestone, or to become famous.

This constant competitiveness creates an us vs. them mentality. It has made us reward and idolize those that have made it, and neglect those that struggle.

And for those who have made it, well, it’s been great for them. But meanwhile more and more of us are living paycheck to paycheck. More and more of us are facing homelessness. More and more of us are becoming depressed, addicted and suicidal.

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Two Perspectives on How Emotions are Made

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, neuroscientist, TED speaker, and author of the book, “How Emotions are Made,” says that we construct our own emotions.

When I first heard this it sounded so preposterous! Emotions feel so innate. When something happens, we don’t sit there trying to figure out how to respond. In fact, we often feel something first, right before we have a good sense of our story around it.

So how did she come to the conclusion that we construct our emotions?

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The Easiest Way to Stop Negative Self-Talk for Good!

My client walked into my office on guard. She was stiff and seemed unable to relax.  While she had a pleasant demeanor, she really seemed to struggle with being at ease in her own skin.  In short, she reminded me of me just a few years ago.

How the negative self-talk began

I learned that she had a narcissistic father who was very controlling and critical.  With him she felt like she was always under a microscope, and that with every move she would make, she could be judged harshly.   I knew exactly what that felt like.   It is suffocating!   That kind of treatment left us both with generalized anxiety, self-contempt and constant self-criticism.   We both were constantly on guard.  We struggled with knowing who to trust, and often felt defensive.  For both of us, making decisions was fraught with anxiety.   We would always be second-guessing ourselves, and overly concerned about getting things right.   For her, the self-criticism and questioning her judgment continued long after her decisions were made!

The powerful effects of releasing negative self-talk

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The Most Important Secret to Healthy Aging

It is not how old you are but how you are old.

As a Neuroscientist and Epidemiologist I spent over a decade researching the underlying causes of Alzheimer’s disease. But after working with thousands of clients, I now realize that the one single and most important thing you need to prevent aging and cognitive decline isn’t about your habits, your education or your exposures. It is your willingness to release your negative beliefs about aging.

When I talk to the elderly about how Alzheimer’s is reversible, and how there are so many things you can do to keep your brain young, I regularly hear, “Oh…I’m too old for that”.  Do you notice the problem with this belief?  I do.  It indicates to me that the person is saying that they are no longer worth the effort. And that distresses me terribly because I know that this is precisely how they will become old, by giving up.

But what happens if you don’t believe you have to get old?

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From Feeling Unloved to Hugged

I have a client whose mother died when she was still a baby, and her dad remarried a woman who constantly berated her and made her feel unlovable. Her father was distant and never filled the void and abandonment that she felt after losing her mother. Consequently, she has struggled all her life with feeling unlovable, and desperately craved affection. Whenever I talked with her, her pattern was to criticize herself.

From Feeling Unloved to Hugged

We were working together to release subconscious barriers that made her feel unloved when she suddenly felt

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Letting Go of Holiday Loneliness

Right before the holidays, my client’s boyfriend dumped her. She did not have family or close friends to spend the holidays with. This caused distress for her. In addition to the heartbreak she felt, she had feelings of being left alone and abandoned.

Releasing feelings that cause loneliness is the first step.

Our first step to address holiday loneliness was  

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