Why is change sometimes so damn hard?

Why is change sometimes so damn hard?

For some of us, there is an area of our life where change seems too damn hard. Maybe it’s getting healthy, maybe it’s changing that pesky habit, maybe it’s getting that promotion. We look to friends or others in social media who are succeeding in those realms, and think, “they have no idea how hard it is!” and “why is it so easy for them?”.

Change is hard because of our expectations.

We tend to think that we should see a linear relationship between our efforts and our results. In other words, more efforts, more results.

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How our Brains Foster Wrongful Convictions

Wrongfully convicted

Back in college my social psychology professor, Elliot Aaronson Ph.D., told us a story over 3 lectures that had us absolutely riveted. It was about a young man Bradley Nelson Page (not to be confused with Dr. Bradley Nelson), a UC Berkeley student who had been accused of murdering his girlfriend.   Dr. Aaronson led us through all the factors of the interrogation that led Page to a false confession of her murder.

That story left me with a sense of awe about how effective persuasion could be.  But it also left me profoundly disturbed about how it could be used, and the implications it had on our “justice” system.

We heard how the police used various mechanisms we discussed in class to force Page to concoct a story that allowed them to frame him.   As a college student, Page could have never imagined that the police would lie and use such manipulative tactics to force a confession!   He later recanted his confession after he was given enough space and rest to think clearly.

But his recanting wasn’t sufficient.

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The Power of Addressing the Metaphysical Causes

My new client came to me with a list of concerns he wanted to address. As I customarily do, I ask if he’d like to me to ask his subconscious where to start. He agreed, and when I did, I got that we needed to address pain, which was not on his list! When I asked him about it, he said, oh yes, with my MS (multiple sclerosis), I have regular back, neck and shoulder pain.  His lower back pain could be so bad that sometimes he couldn’t get out of bed for over 10 minutes! He rated the pain as a 8.5/10! When I asked him when he hadn’t put it on his list, he said, that it has become such a normal part of his life, that he had just accepted it as a part of who he had become!

He agreed to let me proceed, and as I often find with clients with autoimmune conditions, there was a metaphysical question underlying the pain that needed to be addressed.

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Ten Consequences of Childhood Neglect

Like most empaths, I have been deeply disturbed by the separation of immigrant children from their families at the border. The impact of childhood neglect can be profound.  I know this from Harlow’s research on baby monkeys, the studies of children in orphanages, by the work I’ve done with clients and my own history of neglect.   I have been worried about the lifelong psychological damage this could do to these children, the impact it will have on their ability to feel safe in this world, their ability to trust and form healthy relationships, their growth, their ability to function when they get back to school and depending on how long they are separated, their survival.

Back in the 1950’s Harry Harlow performed experiments on baby monkeys where he took them from their mothers and other infants.   These monkeys could no longer securely attach to other monkeys and their ability to socialize was severely disrupted.  If the isolation lasted beyond 90 days, the effects were irreversible.

More recently, Nathan Fox and colleagues studied childhood neglect by comparing young children (ages 6 months to 3 years) in Bucharest who were reared in a Romanian orphanage vs. those when were put in foster homes.    In the Romanian orphanages, babies were left in cribs all day, except when fed, diapered or bathed on a set schedule.  The neglected children in orphanages had a myriad of problems, ranging from cognitive deficits, to difficulty regulating emotions, social withdrawal, low self-esteem, to tics, tantrums, and stealing,

As a healer, I’ve seen these problems with clients who’s parents were emotionally unavailable.  As for my own healing journey, I’ve become increasingly aware that my lifelong struggles which sound a lot like the Romanian orphans (minus the tics and stealing) are likely due to many years of emotional neglect that I had growing up.

Given that I use the wisdom of the subconscious to get straight to the root causes of problems, I thought it would be of interest to share what I’ve learned about the consequences of childhood neglect from my experience as a healer.

Here are 10 major consequences that I have seen of early life neglect:

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From Feeling Unloved to Hugged

I have a client whose mother died when she was still a baby, and her dad remarried a woman who constantly berated her and made her feel unlovable. Her father was distant and never filled the void and abandonment that she felt after losing her mother. Consequently, she has struggled all her life with feeling unlovable, and desperately craved affection. Whenever I talked with her, her pattern was to criticize herself.

From Feeling Unloved to Hugged

We were working together to release subconscious barriers that made her feel unloved when she suddenly felt

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From Poverty to Abundance with the Body Code

*Karen had a coaching business that was her principle means of income.   While she was able to pay her basic bills of food, utilities and rent, she had no money left for anything else. She was struggling to earn enough money to invest back into her business, and it had been 5 years since she had a vacation!

We released blocks to abundance. In addition to emotions, beliefs and sabotage stemming back from generations past,  we found a couple of key beliefs that were getting in her way.   While she was not consciously aware of these beliefs, her subconscious believed that her ability to keep money won’t last, and that she would not have the money she needed.

After releasing these beliefs,

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