Hidden Barriers to Happiness Blog
Have you always wondered about the invisible forces that affect your health, wealth, relationships and happiness?
For over 25 years, first as a neuroscientist, then epidemiologist, and now as a Holistic Brain Health Practitioner, I’ve been passionate about identifying underlying causes of mental and cognitive health challenges. This blog reveals my discoveries from my academic training, my passion for functional medicine, psychology, sociology, energy medicine and what I’ve learned from identifying secrets held by the subconscious.
If you want more health, wealth, better relationships and more happiness, find out what could be getting in the way! When you sign up to get my Top 10 Tips for a Happy & Healthy Brain, you’ll also get 2-4 newsletters per month featuring my blog, “Hidden Barriers to Happiness”.
What are you waiting for? Knowledge is power!
How to Let go of Excessive Worry
Do you worry too much?
One of big reasons why we worry so much is because we are trained for left brained verbal thinking. We are not trained to feel! In fact, we are often taught to “Just be cool”, thus encouraging us to deny our emotions. But these emotions don’t go away on their own. They get lodged in our tissues to reek havoc in our mental and physical health as we age.
Also if we couldn’t count on our parents while young, then we might have inadvertently been trained to worry. After all, we had lots of responsibilities. We needed to make sure everything was taken care of, and we had a roof over our heads. And because the world wasn’t safe, we felt like we had to worry, because who else would be responsible?
But the constant worry causes us an incredible amount of stress. Relaxation is difficult or near impossible. It is hard to enjoy life when are worrying all the time!
So how do we turn it off?
Goodbye Sabotage, Hello Self-compassion
Have you ever wondered why we self-sabotage?
We often call it addictions. And yes, we develop addictions by repeating the same action over and over. But why?
Addictions, whether they are to food, alcohol or an obsessive-compulsive habit such as hand washing, are how we self-soothe to deal with our unpleasant, anxiety-prone reality.
I have a client who I’ve worked with to release a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors. She wasn’t exercising enough, drinking enough water, or eating well. We released the negative beliefs, emotions, addictive thought patterns and feelings of sabotage, and now she has developed healthy food, water and exercise habits.
But now that she is on a healthy streak, losing weight and looking great, she had a fear that she could self-sabotage again. So we asked her subconscious, “what triggers her to self-sabotage?” The answers were enlightening, and likely relevant to most or all of us!
Her subconscious revealed that she could be triggered to self-sabotage when:
Subconscious Blocks to Healing Parts 3-5
Do you know people who are always getting in their own way?
People who take a step towards progress, and then seem to run away?
There are many people that regularly get in the way of their own healing, and there are a variety of reasons. It is not due to an inherent weakness, but subconscious barriers that occur as a result of their past. In my last article, I discussed the 1st subconscious block to healing. I’ve included 3 more in the following videos.
You’ll learn about subconscious barriers to healing that:
- are especially prevalent in women over 40, but are seen in many others as well.
- are common in people with a lot of education.
- are common in people who don’t tend to feel grounded or stable.
Please watch and share with your friends.
The first step towards progress is knowledge, and knowledge is power.
Subconscious Blocks to Healing Parts 1-2
Have you been given a diagnosis that you haven’t been able to recover from?
Is this illness keeping you from having the life you want?
On the other hand… there are people, like Arthur, that have miraculous healing experiences. How do they do that?
What is their key to success?
One thing that is absolutely required for healing (that most people who are sick do not have is):
Five Mindset Shifts To Go With The Flow
I was taught early in life that hard work was the key to success. If we didn’t get a perfect report card, we were told that it was because we weren’t working hard enough. Because I had a learning disability and didn’t get the support I needed, I learned that I’d have to struggle to get what I wanted.
So that set me on the early course of constantly striving to be better, subconsciously hoping that I could some day gain the acceptance I so desperately craved.
While I now work hard for other reasons, I still find that the harder I push myself, the less tolerant I become when things don’t go my way.
So people who are ambitious and work hard, but are also to go with the flow really 
impress me. My friend Peter Feysa is a great example of this. We took a badly needed break and went hiking and swimming in the alpine lakes. Every time he set out to swim, my friend’s dog Irene felt the need to herd him in. He took it well, and even seemed to be enjoying it, even though she would circle him and get in the way. After several laps, I noticed he had scratches all over his back from Irene, but he never mentioned it until I brought it up. When I did, he shrugged them off! I know I wouldn’t have taken it that well!
So how do people like Peter balance the stress and still so gracefully handle all the bumps along the way?
Here are some mindset shifts that help such people go with the flow:
How to Stay Informed Without Getting Depressed
I’ve always been troubled by massive injustices inflicted upon fellow citizens. In my quest to determine how to prevent a future Holocaust for example, I needed to understand what caused it. One of the most important lessons I learned in my college course, “Introduction to Political Freedom”, is that the most horrific injustices of the world occur when we are not paying attention and when we disengage.
Thus, I’m a big believer that it is essential to stay informed and engaged in what is going on in the world, and to do what you can to make it a better place.
But as an empath, staying informed and keeping engaged can be emotionally taxing and overwhelming. Every day I wake up, thinking about the state of our country, and how we can have peace and justice in this world. And often this obsession with the direction of our country leaves me in despair about the future.
But I know that I’m not alone, so after doing some research on the internet, I found some great advice which I’ll share below.
The Personal Benefits of Being Kind and Generous
For most of my life, I struggled with the being kind and generous. I had grown up in a household where it was a struggle to get my needs met. So my irrational subconscious believed in scarcity, and I felt like I was giving away more than I had to give.
When I realized this, I released my subconscious barriers to kindness and generosity, and found it a lot easier to give and to contribute without feeling depleted or resentful. Friendships became easier, and I felt better about myself!
In the US, we have super rich people that hoard cash at the expense of the poor. And on the other end of the spectrum, as I wrote about in my article, “The Dangers of Putting Yourself Last” , we have caregivers that spend so much effort giving, that they often neglect their own needs.
It turns out science confirms that there are multiple physical and mental health benefits to kindness and generosity, as long as you are not feeling overwhelmed by the experience!
Lets break them down:
Why the Movie “The Secret” is Not Enough
I remember when I first saw that movie, “The Secret”. I was at a conference with scientists and thought leaders, and many people strongly urged me to watch it. But I remember, as I watched, my sense of unease began to grow and grow. I got so uncomfortable with it that I got nauseous, and kept wanting to walk out.
Why?
It reminded me too much of my early life experience with religion. Coming from a deeply religious family, I was told that if I just believed in Him, that God would provide. But that seemed way to simple to be true, and I got the impression that there was a lot of over-promising and under-delivering.
The Secret, like many religions, wreaked of the religious promise that if only you believed, you would be happy, or get what you wanted. Again it seemed way too simple and way too good to be true.
It is based on the notion of the Law of Attraction, and it’s the idea that you attract what you vibrate.
More and more people insisted I pay attention to the Law of Attraction, but I kept resisting it.
And then I met Peter, (more…)
When Expressing Anger is the Healthiest Choice
I grew up with an angeraholic. My father seemed to be critical and angry about everything, and much of that anger was directed towards me.
I decided at a young age that all of his anger wasn’t healthy and that I wasn’t going to maliciously unleash my anger at others just because they were easy targets.
But I was furious with him! He would scream at me for not working hard enough, for not being good enough in school, or any “hobbies” he’d chosen for me. Yet, when it came to get any support I needed, classes or tutoring so that I could live up to his expectations, there wasn’t enough money, or he “didn’t believe in spoiling me”. I felt like I was constantly under his personal surveillance program, designed to criticize me and undermine everything I tried to be or do.
Without a healthy outlet for that anger, I turned that anger inward towards myself. (more…)
The Dangers of Putting Yourself Last
I have a client that spent 35 years dedicated to helping her husband excel. She helped him organize his space, prioritize his health, and she kept him fed and the house cleaned so that he could concentrate on his career. She told herself that she was doing it because of her unselfish and undying love for him, even though he didn’t seem to appreciate her or her efforts. Meanwhile, he wasn’t affectionate with her, and was often distant and aloof. But as he distanced himself more, she would justify his actions to herself. She held on to hope that her marriage would turn around and that one day, he’d come home and tell her how much he loved her. Then he left her for a younger woman.
I had another client that regularly worked 60-70 hr weeks. She was a co-owner of the firm she worked with. While each person was responsible for a portion of handling the business, she frequently found herself taking responsibilities that her colleagues had neglected to fulfill. She was exhausted, and as she was getting older, she realized that she had been neglecting herself, and that it was time to prioritize herself!
Another client was completely overloaded with responsibilities. She was the CEO of her company, and often found herself having to work late into the night. Then she’d come home, and take care of her elderly parent. She also managed several properties, and an Air B&B. She was stressed out, sleep deprived and having a hard time keeping track of all her responsibilities.
All 3 of these clients dedicated their lives to others and left themselves last. How did that impact their lives?
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