What To Do When They Won’t Listen

She won’t listen!

Christine was in a new business partnership with 2 others in Arizona.  She lived in Portland, and was stressed about this partnership.  Her partner in Arizona took on more much responsibility than she could reasonably do, and important procedures were missed and not attended to.  Christine tried to persuade her that she could do the accounting, and that they needed to have an overarching plan about how to distribute responsibilities.  But her business partner was too mired in what she was doing to listen.    She was stressed and frustrated by the potential consequences of what she foresaw happening with the business.   She needed to be heard and valued, but she was starting to worry that regardless of what she did or said, her partner wouldn’t listen.

We talked about how to get her needs met.

I told her

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Hygge: The Key to Survive Winter Anywhere

From Sunny California to long harsh winters

In my late twenties, I moved across the country to Rochester NY, known for it long, cold and harsh winters, with very little sun.   Luckily, I met friend who decided that given where I was from, that he was going to teach me how to survive winter in upstate NY.   When winter approached, he told me about the different types of clothing I needed to get to stay warm, and where to find them.  He also taught me how to embrace what winter had to offer.  He encouraged me to take up winter sports, like cross-country skiing, and ice-skating.

It worked!   While many of my peers complained about winter, I had skiing to look forward to.  Because of where we lived, I could ski from my doorstep!   Cross-country skiing even helped me get around on snow days when it wasn’t safe to drive!

Apparently embracing the snow is one strategy the Danish use to get through their long harsh winters as well!

 

How the Danish survive winter

Known to be the happiest people in the world, the Danish have a practice called hygge that keeps them happy and content no matter how cold or windy it is outside!

What is hygge?

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Can a Narcissist Change?

My client Betty is always positive, kind and good-natured.  She asked me to work on some physical discomfort she was having.  But I always ask if I can check in with the subconscious to make sure there isn’t anything more important to address.   She agreed, and I discovered there was an issue at work that was causing a lot of stress.

Her coworker was harassing her.

Betty then revealed to me that a coworker was regularly coming to her cubicle to criticize or make negative comments about her work.   This coworker was also frequently making complaints about her to management.   She felt like she was walking on eggshells with this coworker.  The situation was so stressful, that she was even considering quitting, even though she loved her job otherwise!

She already had a reputation for being difficult.

Before Betty had arrived at this job just a few months ago, this coworker had already had a reputation for being difficult to work with.   Apparently several other coworkers had asked management for a reassignment from working with this woman, because she was known to be so critical!

Was she dealing with a narcissist?

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How to Extract Yourself From the Scarcity Trap

Nancy grew up in a lower middle class family, where she was taught that there was never enough.  While the family could afford to buy a home, and her parents could afford to travel, when it came to her needs, she was regularly told that there wasn’t enough.  Her parents claimed to not have enough to buy her a mattress that sank in the middle, a desk, clothes or supplies for school, and that there wasn’t enough to go to a good college.   Yet she had heard her financial advisors tell her parents that they were in good shape with their financial goals to retire, and had plenty for their children’s college.

Nancy wanted a job to pay for the things she needed, but her parents only let her work during the summers.

So Nancy grew up with the mindset that it would always be hard to get what she needed.   She worked extremely hard in school, and then in her jobs, but kept ending up in jobs with unsupportive bosses, who she could never seem to please.   Her life as an adult essentially mimicked that of her experience as a child.  She felt she would always have to struggle to get her needs met, and that she frequently panicked about not having enough, or running out of money.

Nancy was in the scarcity trap.

How scarcity affects your mind:

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From Couch Potato to Gym Bunny

My client was getting married in a year, and desperately wanted to be in shape before her wedding.  She knew that one of her biggest challenges in losing weight was that she had no motivation to exercise.  The last time she had been to the gym was 3 years ago.  She recalled that she did not want to be there, and couldn’t wait until it was over!  It had been about 10 years since she had exercised regularly.

She never knew her dad, but had inherited her dad’s lack of desire in being healthy.  After releasing it, I asked her how she felt about working out, and she said neutral, which often happens before they’ve had a chance to process the work.

The following week, she told me that as she was driving home from her appointment with me, she felt this sudden urge

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