The Biggest Reason Why You Must Leave Abusive Relationships

The Biggest Reason Why You Must Leave Abusive Relationships

While we all know that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be abused, leaving an abusive relationship is not always an easy choice.

Why it is so hard to leave

Sometimes, the relationship is with someone you still love.  Maybe staying with this situation means financial stability, or a lifestyle that you’ve become accustomed to.   Maybe you have children that you don’t feel like you can support on your own.  Or maybe you just can’t imagine a happy life beyond the confines of your current reality.

I know what it feels like to be in abusive relationships.  I lived with 2 housemates who accused me of being selfish or rude, and regularly insinuated that I was acting like a child. I spent all my energy at home trying not to upset them. Their outbursts were unpredictable and easy to provoke, regardless of how hard I tried to please them.

They wanted me out of the home and tried to make conditions intolerable, but I did not want to be kicked out of the home that I had found and secured. I was too stubborn to leave.

abusive relationships

Luckily, I had enough other positive relationships that I knew that their behavior had to do more with their internal demons than me.

How things changed

But I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be under this much stress, and to regularly be abused. So I cleared subconscious barriers to be the Dalai Lama in my relationships with them.   I also realized that if I didn’t stand up for myself, that they would continue with the abuse towards me, and others in the future. So I started to stand up for myself when falsely accused.   I began to challenge the insults they hurled my way.

Things got so crazy, that one of them sent an email to the landlord full of outrageous lies and accusations, and told him that they lived in fear of me!   Because I had established a good relationship with the landlord, he consulted me about my side of the story.  When I shared evidence of how they treated me, he realized how unhinged they were, and asked them to leave.

I was lucky that this experience only lasted 16 months. There are many people stuck in abusive relationships for 5, 10 yrs or even decades!

Like many people who feel stuck in such relationships, I justified my need to stay with excuses. Others had urged me to leave, but I felt like that would leave me feeling bitter, and I refused to give my housemates what they wanted.

Lessons learned

But now that I’m on the other side of that experience, with new housemates where I can be myself with, I’m noticing a huge benefit I couldn’t see while in the experience.

While in this abusive situation, too much of my mental energy was absorbed in staying safe.   I would run to my boyfriend’s on the weekend to calm my nervous system down.   I was so absorbed with calming my stress, that I couldn’t address the problems I was having with my boyfriend.  I needed the security that being with him provided.

Now that I don’t have that constant trauma, I’ve been able to do the healing work I need to move on. Because I am no longer in a constant state of fight or flight, my nervous system can regularly rest, renew and regenerate. Because I am in a more positive state of mind, I am able to envision, and thus attract a brighter future. I’m starting to thrive again.

Because I no longer feel like I need to run away from home and depend on others to rescue me, I can honor my own needs in all of my relationships, and stay true to what is best for me.  And because I no longer have abusive people around, I’ve been able to rebuild my self-love and self-compassion.

In short, my energy has shifted from surviving to thriving!

How to get out of an abusive relationship

Do you know anyone in an abusive relationship?   Please share this article with them!

If you are in an abusive relationship, or have just left one, know that it is challenging, but that with enough support, it is something you can do.   Find as much support as you can from people that understand the importance of being safe.   Many people who have a pattern of being in abusive relationships keep finding themselves going back or moving on to another abuser. DO NOT let yourself do that!   You deserve so much more!

loving self

As difficult and scary it is to leave, in the end, it is worth it. If you take that time to heal from your wounds, and understand how you attracted that person or situation into your life, then your life can turn change, and you too can go from surviving to thriving.   But you must do your inner work to reap the benefits!

Releasing subconscious barriers can empower you to do what you need to do to stay safe.  We can get you in alignment with what you know is best for you. Learn more about that here and contact me to schedule a 20 min complimentary consultation.

 

 

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