Why is it So Hard to Form a New Habit?

You hear it from the news, from friends, from doctors, and even your own inner voice telling you to eat better, exercise more, stop smoking, cut down on the drinking, get more sleep, etc, etc.  Year after year, you resolve at the beginning of the New Year, that this year you’ll make those changes, and sometimes you do, but they don’t last.  Or maybe you’ve put off the change indefinitely, waiting for more inner strength to do so, or waiting until you can’t ignore the problem any longer.

A few years ago, I wrote an article “Can we effect personal change?” which summarized the conclusions of an article in Scientific American titled, “Set in our Ways”.   It discusses the factors that keep us from making those essential changes.   One reason the author presupposed is because we become more bogged down with the responsibilities of life.  Another is because there is comfort in habit, and by engaging in our habits, we reduce our fear of the future.  Many of us can’t imagine the impact a change could have on us.  We’ve gotten so used to our habits that we’ve lost the faith that things could be different or substantially better for us.  Changing could also have a profound affect on our identity… who will we be if we change?  But we may have noticed that some people are naturally more open to change than others.  There are also aspects that each of us maybe more open to change than others.  For example, a person might be more willing to start an exercise program, but less willing to leave an unfulfilling job.  So why can we change in some areas, and not in others?

There’s no doubt about it.  When we are bogged down, or overworked, we leave less time to take care of ourselves and make the necessary changes for our own good.  It’s at those points in our lives where its especially important to seek the support of friends, family or a coach in order to make sure that we take proper care of ourselves.  Women especially, tend to forget that the best way we can take are of others is to take care of ourselves first.  If it’s a problem you’ve been struggling with for awhile, seeking the support of a professional coach who understands what it takes for effective change to occur, will go a long way towards improving your chances of success.

No doubt as well, there is comfort in habit.  But our need to depend on those habits for comfort can change!   If we spend less time engaging in our habits, and more time noticing why we may need to seek comfort to reach for that cookie or cigarette, we can gain some valuable insights.  What if we were to just stop and notice the feeling of the craving or the desire in our bodies?  Another way to calm down those cravings and desires is with the use of EFT.  But what if our desire is so strong that we don’t feel like we have the willpower to do what we need to stop?

This is where the idea of self-efficacy is important.  Self-efficacy is the belief in our power to achieve our chosen goal.  Several factors determine self-efficacy:  1.) previous experience trying to change that behavior 2.)  our experience with other goals  3.) our self-esteem, which is not only based on our experience,  but our interaction with the environment and how we’ve been treated.   Luckily self-efficacy can be changed by releasing trapped emotions.  Self-abuse, unworthiness or worthlessness are only a few of the trapped emotions that can have a powerful effect on your self-efficacy, and everyone who struggles to change, will benefit from releasing them.

If our behaviors are tied to our identity, than we can look at blocks to overcoming that identity to assume a healthier one.   We can access your subconscious with muscle testing to get more information about your blocks than you are consciously aware of.   Once we’ve identified those blocks, the emotional release techniques I use are powerful ways to overcome them.

So why does engaging in healthy habits seem so much easier for some people?  I believe its intimately related to self-love.  If you love yourself unconditionally and without reserve, you lose the desire to self-sabatoge, and instead treat your body with the love that you feel for it.  Is this something you can imagine?   With EFT and the Emotion Code, you can get there!

Some people also seem to have more courage to make those changes.  Our courage to invite change into our lives is intimately related to our experiences in our past.  The more negative experiences we’ve had, and the less support we’ve had, the harder it becomes to maintain that courage that we had.  At age 1-2, for example, didn’t we all have the courage to try walking, despite the risk of falling?  Making change was so much easier back then!   Together we can find experiences that contributed to our fear of change and release them.   The effects of this can be powerful!

 

Even with these techniques, it is important to not be blindly confident around one’s ability to change, without a good understanding of what it will take to do so.  The longer you’ve engaged in a habit and the more the addictive the substance, the tougher it will be to overcome.   We wouldn’t want to fail because we’ve set the expectations too high and all at once.  Knowing about the stages of change is crucial to changing successfully.   Stay tuned for more on that.

Do you have a habit you need to change?    Contact me if you’d like my support through that process, step by step.  I pledge to stand by you to help you for once and all make those changes as a part of your regular healthy habits!