Why we might thrive or just survive

Do you feel blocked from achieving your dreams?

Are there specific things that you would love to be able to do, but it just feels too risky?

Some people are always doing something new. They push themselves to grow whether it’s with work, with hobbies, or personal development. Others live more stagnant lives. They may stay in the same jobs, stay in relationships that aren’t working, and never live the life they had hoped to live.

Our mindset is crucial to our potential for success.   People who dare to challenge themselves to try new things have the growth mindset. I’ve written more about the fixed vs. growth mindset in my article The Power of Believing You Can Improve. But what orients a person towards a growth mindset, more than another?

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When your loved one won’t go to the doctor

Lois was starting to forget things.   First it began with forgetting names or words in the middle of a conversation. She quickly dismissed it as a sign of old age, and decided that it wasn’t anything to worry about.   But she started to get more embarrassed about her occasional memory lapses, and felt less and less inclined to leave her home for social activities.

She had been cooking for her husband John for years, but, her meals were becoming more bland. Sometimes she forgot vegetables, other times, she forgot the meat.

John noticed things weren’t normal, but he told himself, that these were occasional mistakes, and that it they weren’t a big deal.   Things were changing slowly. Lois had good days and days where she’d forget things or lose things.   But neither of them were ready to face the idea that there could be something much more serious that needed to be addressed!

Then one day Lois went to the grocery store and didn’t come back for hours.  

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How Our Filter Messes With Our Relationships

Years ago, I had a housemate that I could never seem to please. While I harbored no ill will towards him, he seemed to be offended at everything I said or did, regardless of my intention behind it. If I tried to apologize or explain my intentions, he wouldn’t hear them.   I started to feel like everything I did, regardless of my intent would be taken as being rude or inconsiderate, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells. It was exhausting!

In a calmer moment between us, I tried to explain to him that he (like everyone) has a filter, which paints our perspective about how we see the world. If there is someone that he has negative associations with in his past that I subconsciously remind him of, then he sees me through that filter.   I believed he had an opinion of me that he was subconsciously trying to hold on to, because he wasn’t willing to hear that my intentions were not what he perceived them to be.

This filter we have can make or break relationships.

You know what I am talking about. You’ve met people that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells with. You know people that get easily angered or triggered regardless of your intentions, right? On the other hand, you probably also know people who you can laugh and joke around with, and even tease, and they seem to be fine with laughing at their own expense.

Often times this filter changes regularly in the same relationships as well, and it all depends on our mood and the context.

We often forget this about this filter, but because it is SO powerful at shaping our story, it is important that we fully appreciate its impact.   Below is a true story about how it even shapes how we view an image!

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The Easiest Way to Fast Track Transformation

For most of my life, I hated myself.   I could write volumes of books about what was wrong with me.   The worse thing about this was that I felt hopeless to change so many of the things I hated about myself.  Transformation felt slow, arduous and even impossible!

Now when I discover something I want to change about myself, for many things, I know how to get shifts in only a few hours!

For example, a few months ago, I was experiencing a slump in my business, despite increased speaking engagements and more exposure.   I couldn’t figure out why, until I realized that my stress around the business slow down was effecting how I showed up with potential clients.   Once I realized this, I was able to quickly let go of that stress, and better and engage and connect with potential clients.

So what did I do?  

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Subconscious Blocks to Healing Parts 1-2

Have you been given a diagnosis that you haven’t been able to recover from?

Is this illness keeping you from having the life you want?

 

On the other hand… there are people, like Arthur, that have miraculous healing experiences.   How do they do that?

What is their key to success?

One thing that is absolutely required for healing (that most people who are sick do not have is):

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The Personal Benefits of Being Kind and Generous

For most of my life, I struggled with the being kind and generous. I had grown up in a household where it was a struggle to get my needs met. So my irrational subconscious believed in scarcity, and I felt like I was giving away more than I had to give.

When I realized this, I released my subconscious barriers to kindness and generosity, and found it a lot easier to give and to contribute without feeling depleted or resentful. Friendships became easier, and I felt better about myself!

In the US, we have super rich people that hoard cash at the expense of the poor. And on the other end of the spectrum, as I wrote about in my article, “The Dangers of Putting Yourself Last” , we have caregivers that spend so much effort giving, that they often neglect their own needs.

It turns out science confirms that there are multiple physical and mental health benefits to kindness and generosity, as long as you are not feeling overwhelmed by the experience!

Lets break them down:

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