How We Rise Above Abuse

How it starts

I just finished listening to a memoir about a young girl, Tara, who grew up in a large religious family, and wasn’t given a formal education at school or at home.  She had a brother who was 5 yrs older, and took her under his wing.  He was kind and nurturing at first, but once he gained her trust, the abuse began.  It was subtle at first, and it continued and worsened until she complied with his every demand.  Their relationship alternated between moments of tenderness, abuse, and sometimes terror.   As a reader and outside observer, I could see how dangerous it was for her to be in his presence.   I wanted to scream into the book,

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Why is change sometimes so damn hard?

Why is change sometimes so damn hard?

For some of us, there is an area of our life where change seems too damn hard. Maybe it’s getting healthy, maybe it’s changing that pesky habit, maybe it’s getting that promotion. We look to friends or others in social media who are succeeding in those realms, and think, “they have no idea how hard it is!” and “why is it so easy for them?”.

Change is hard because of our expectations.

We tend to think that we should see a linear relationship between our efforts and our results. In other words, more efforts, more results.

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The Power of Addressing the Metaphysical Causes

My new client came to me with a list of concerns he wanted to address. As I customarily do, I ask if he’d like to me to ask his subconscious where to start. He agreed, and when I did, I got that we needed to address pain, which was not on his list! When I asked him about it, he said, oh yes, with my MS (multiple sclerosis), I have regular back, neck and shoulder pain.  His lower back pain could be so bad that sometimes he couldn’t get out of bed for over 10 minutes! He rated the pain as a 8.5/10! When I asked him when he hadn’t put it on his list, he said, that it has become such a normal part of his life, that he had just accepted it as a part of who he had become!

He agreed to let me proceed, and as I often find with clients with autoimmune conditions, there was a metaphysical question underlying the pain that needed to be addressed.

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What To Do When They Won’t Listen

She won’t listen!

Christine was in a new business partnership with 2 others in Arizona.  She lived in Portland, and was stressed about this partnership.  Her partner in Arizona took on more much responsibility than she could reasonably do, and important procedures were missed and not attended to.  Christine tried to persuade her that she could do the accounting, and that they needed to have an overarching plan about how to distribute responsibilities.  But her business partner was too mired in what she was doing to listen.    She was stressed and frustrated by the potential consequences of what she foresaw happening with the business.   She needed to be heard and valued, but she was starting to worry that regardless of what she did or said, her partner wouldn’t listen.

We talked about how to get her needs met.

I told her

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You Are Not Your Diagnosis

I had a client who regularly reminded me of her diagnoses to justify her behaviors and struggles.  “I have bipolar disorder, and therefore I… “ ,  “I have autism, and therefore I…. “.   I’ve heard other mental health professionals rail against giving people diagnoses.  They’ve argued that it isn’t helpful, because labeling people, makes them feel limited by their diagnosis.

I told my client:   You are not your diagnosis!

I remember how relieved I was when

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Should you exercise to prevent or reverse dementia?

Should we exercise to prevent dementia?

The answer to the latest meta analysis is showing that the data is inconclusive!

Does that mean we shouldn’t bother to exercise? No!  There are a lot benefits to exercise.

What are the benefits of exercise to the brain?

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