Forgive But Don’t Forget

I think the pressure to turn the other cheek (forgive) is damaging.

Why?

Yes.. Jesus turned the other cheek.

But Jesus wasn’t an abused wife of a narcissist who had been lying to her for decades about his infidelity or whereabouts.

Jesus didn’t have drug addicted or sociopathic parents, that chronically abused him.

Jesus didn’t grow up in a Romanian orphanage without loving touch, adequate food, with barely any stimulation.

And Jesus wasn’t a woman.

Jesus wasn’t aware of the recent research that shows that when you allow entitled people to cheat and they get away with it, they experience euphoria, which causes a pattern of increased transgressions. He didn’t know that if you catch those transgressions, and you don’t let them get away with it, they are less likely to continue.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t forgive.

But I believe we need to stand up for our rights and be able to set healthy boundaries. We also have a right to our anger and disappointment. I’m tired of the pressure we get to wash over our feelings and turn the other cheek. I often hear it from people who have no idea what its like to have parents or family members that are capable of sociopathic behavior, or extreme neglect.

There is an appropriate time to forgive. But dismissing our own emotions and needs is unhealthy.

Festering in anger and resentment is also unhealthy. We need effective ways to release it, so that it doesn’t continue to damage our own bodies and impact our ability to attract what we want.

I’ve attracted my share of abuse.

I had a boss that lied about my review to justify firing me after I discovered fraud,  ex housemates who tried to evict me when I finally stood up for myself, a parent that constantly belittled and criticized me.  I’ve lived with more than my fair share of people with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.

I no longer harbor anger towards the abusive people in my life. I see them now as troubled people that are manifesting their own drama. Unfortunately, they reek havoc with everyone who has the misfortune of getting on their wrong side, and that isn’t hard to do with them.

I’ve set my own boundaries around them. But am I willing to turn the other cheek?  No. I’m standing up to abuse on a larger scale by enlightening as many as I can about sociopathy.  I believe this is how to minimize the damage they cause.

I aim to forgive, but don’t forget.

I believe all this pressure to turn the other cheek has allowed the extreme inequalities to keep growing in our world. 

If you are used to letting things go

If you have been turning the other cheek for all your life, it is time to do something different!  Stand up and endorse your own rights to be treated fairly!

Its all about balance. Some people do need to hear Jesus’s lesson.  But those of us who have a pattern of turning the other cheek, need to learn to have healthy boundaries, and say no to mistreatment and injustices.

Work with a healer to let the anger and vengeful thoughts go, for your own health.  But don’t forget the lessons learned.  Set healthy boundaries and stand up for your rights.  You deserve healthy treatment too!

This is how we help make our society and healthier and happier place for everyone.

 

Need help letting go of anger and forming healthy boundaries?   I use the Body Code to help clients release the imbalances that cause us to be stuck in unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors.  We also release barriers to forming new healthy behaviors.  If you’d like to discuss what is possible for you, contact me here to schedule a complimentary consultation.