Avoiding a Difficult Conversation?

Is there a conversation that you need to have with someone, but you have been avoiding it?

Does the thought of it make you want to run and hide under the covers?

Does it make your stomach twist and turn into knots?

Rachel spent much of her life avoiding difficult conversations.   But then just a few years ago, she was in business with a dear long-time friend that suddenly fell apart.   She thought her marriage was going well because she and her husband never argued. But then her marriage ended as well. Through the pain of these losses, she realized the common thread was that she had been avoiding the important conversations that were vital to healthy relationships.  

Now that she realized the importance of addressing problems as they arose, she became determined to master those difficult conversations.   As a psychotherapist, she knew how much this skill would help her clients, and she sought out self-help books and as much expertise as she could find on the subject.

 She came up with three secrets to having difficult conversations:

1. Get honest about the real issue

Often couples have petty arguments about chores like taking out the trash. These are things that if they lived alone, would get done without incident. But somehow, in the context of a relationship, there is way more behind the act of simply taking out the trash. Arguing about these chores is where many couples miss the opportunity to examine what is underneath.

Imagine that Susie feels like she is always nagging Dave to take out the trash before he leaves, and Dave tends to forget. For Susie, the underlying issue might be that she has a strong need to be heard. Maybe she needs to feel like he is an equal partner in the relationship.   Maybe being taken care of is her way of feeling loved.   Exploring and sharing what is underneath the conflict can help a couple develop a greater understanding, and lead the way to greater compassion between them.

2.  Get resourced

When we want to run away, we feel small, like we want to curl up and hide underneath our bed.   Adopting a power pose, like Superman, with hands on your hips, and your chest extended forward to hold your Superman cape, can make you feel empowered and ready for the challenge you need to face!

Also releasing fears, anger or other subconscious barriers using EFT or the Body Code can help give you the courage and wisdom you need.   It is often easier for others to hear you if you are able to speak to them with a calm and level head.

3. Figure out your goal

Your goal is different for every type of difficult conversation.   There are 3 main types of goals:

1. Your goal can be to have a deeper connection.
2. It can be a negotiation, where you are finding solutions for what both parties can live with.   It is more based in facts than emotions.
3. The goal can be protection if your need is to have firm boundaries.  This is a good choice if you feel threatened in any way.

Knowing what your goal before you start your conversation is vital to making it success!

If you’d like to learn more about how to have a difficult conversation, check out Rachel’s best-selling book Woman Overboard! Six Ways Women Avoid Conflict and One Way to Live Drama-Free.

 

Psychotherapist and Difficult Conversations
Expert Rachel Alexandria teaches corporate climbers and business owners how to get clear of their caretaking and conflict-avoidance and start leading the brilliant lives they are meant to live. Trusted by clients and fans as a therapist who walks her talk, Rachel helps visionaries and peace-seekers find their emotional center in the midst of inner turmoil. Through her proven methods, women learn how to recognize the warning signs of inner panic, create easy-to-remember strategies and declare themselves as powerful collaborators and leaders.

Creator of the Self-Rescue System™, a simple, powerful strategy for how to deal with disagreements and difficult conversations without losing your ground or your cool.

 

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Featured image is “Sister and Brother Problems” by artur84 courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

“Senior Businesswoman” by stockimages courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

“Figure Climbing Up To His Goal” by Master isolated images” courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net