How to Help my Loved-One Get the Help They Need

Do you have a loved-one or family member that is struggling? 

Maybe they are depressed, or can’t seem to be motivated?

Maybe they are struggling with an addiction and are finding solace in video games, alcohol, recreational drugs or food?  

 Has the topic of getting help caused a lot of tension between you?

You know that they need help.  And yet approaching them on this subject can be extremely divisive and often leads to frustration and discouragement for you, and more tension in the relationship.   What can you do to heal the wounds so that your friend or family member can get the help they so desperately need?

If you’ve already tried to approach them on this subject and it’s a thorny issue between you and your loved one, it maybe best to concentrate on repairing the relationship between you.  Find others to help you intervene on the more sticky matters of helping your loved one get professional help.

When you are too close, there is too much at stake.   If we appear to have an agenda (and of course you do because you care!), that energy comes across to your loved one as pressure, and no longer feels like a choice to them.  And whenever we feel pressure to do something, especially from outside sources, it tends to make us want to rebel.

So find someone outside of the family or the relationship, someone who cares, but has a lot less to lose.  Then you can concentrate on enjoying your loved one’s company and finding peaceful ways to coexist to reduce tension between you.

So how does one find an outside resource to help?  If your loved-one still is a child, sign them up with a mentor, like with Big Brothers or Big Sisters.  Or alternately, try to join an organization, such as a church that supports families.  You’ll have a greater pool of people to choose from who might be able to intervene.

Regardless of whether your loved one is an adult or child, try to find people that your loved one might look up to and who they feel a connection to.  Ideal characteristics of a mentor are:

1. Someone with shared interests, but is happy and well-adjusted.
2. Someone who has had the same struggles but has overcome them.
3. Someone who can balance wanting to help, without becoming too attached to it.
4. Someone who is already trained in being a mentor.
5. Someone who is interested in helping your loved one find his/her own best solution.  For a successful outcome, it is important that your loved one have a say in the kind of help he/she needs.

It may take a few tries to find someone that really connects with your loved one, and that is able to help.  But it’s important not to give up.   If you are exhausted or frustrated with his/her progress, then it’s important for you to find ways to release that.  This is not only important for your health, but will help your relationship with them as well.   Your loved one desperately needs your help, and the longer it takes to get help, the more work there will be to do fix the issue.

What about your relationship with your loved one?  The most important thing to do is to concentrate on making sure that they feel heard and understood.  This is the best way to gain their trust.   I realize this can be a tremendous personal challenge, and I promise to write more about this soon!

Do you know anyone who is struggling with figuring out how to help a loved one?  Please click the buttons below to share this article with them on facebook or twitter!