Goodbye Sabotage, Hello Self-compassion

Goodbye Sabotage, Hello Self-compassion

Have you ever wondered why we self-sabotage?

We often call it addictions. And yes, we develop addictions by repeating the same action over and over.   But why?

Addictions, whether they are to food, alcohol or an obsessive-compulsive habit such as hand washing, are how we self-soothe to deal with our unpleasant, anxiety-prone reality.

I have a client who I’ve worked with to release a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors. She wasn’t exercising enough, drinking enough water, or eating well.   We released the negative beliefs, emotions, addictive thought patterns and feelings of sabotage, and now she has developed healthy food, water and exercise habits.

But now that she is on a healthy streak, losing weight and looking great, she had a fear that she could self-sabotage again. So we asked her subconscious, “what triggers her to self-sabotage?”  The answers were enlightening, and likely relevant to most or all of us!

Her subconscious revealed that she could be triggered to self-sabotage when:

1.  Bad things happened to her

There is an insidious belief that when bad things happen to us, that we deserve it.  This belief can be often driven by religion (For example: if you don’t believe in God, then bad things will happen), or the belief in the Law of Attraction or Karma.   The problem is bad things can happen to anyone, and many of those things can be completely out of our control.   If we take the heat for the negative things that happen to us, regardless of whether we could have controlled them, it won’t serve us. It will just end up in our self-sabotaging and self-defeating behavior that will restrict our ability to thrive. So let’s let go of that! Shall we?

if-someone-is-mean-to-you-22.   Others were abusive to her.

Because we are social beings, we are particularly prone to the belief systems of people in our environment. If my client was bullied or treated badly, she would subconsciously take on the beliefs of her abusers to inflict harm on herself.

And the reason why we do this, is that like Stockholm Syndrome, harming oneself can help release the perceived threat of the victim, and reduce conflict between the aggressor and victim.

Many self-harming behaviors, like eating unhealthy foods for example, have an immediate self-soothing effect.   But in the long term, they leave us feeling bad about ourselves and powerless to stop them.

In order to help her let go of abusing herself after others would abuse her, we had to help her know when to value other’s opinions. For example, it is helpful to be able to know when a person says something inconsiderate or unthoughtful, that they are acting from their own hurt place.   If you happen to be the unlucky target, either because you were there at the wrong time, or you haven’t stood up to such behavior, it does NOT mean you are worthy of their insensitivity.

Once you realize that they are not acting as the best version of themselves, you can more easily separate their behavior from you or who you are.   Once you realize their actions are more about them than you, this can put you in a position of power. You now can decide whether you want to continue to engage with this person, and if so how. Once you are clear on your boundaries, you can express them!

3.   She was unhappy for any other reason.

We released subconscious patterns that caused her to sabotage when unhappy.

beautiful-young-women-with-perfect-skin4.   Because she did not practice self-compassion.

My client had a habit of beating herself up. Even though by most standards she’d be considered an attractive woman, she would regularly berate herself for different features of her looks. Even when friends would compliment her, she’d dismiss it with the thought that they were “just being nice”.   Then she’d come up with all these reasons why she was unworthy of their kindness.

In contrast, the practice of self-compassion allows us to more easily forgive ourselves when things go wrong, when we are treated badly or are unhappy.

It turns out self-compassion might an important was to overcome self-sabotage. Research shows that subjects who scored higher on tests of self-compassion have better eating habits.   In a study from Wake Forest University, they divided subjects in to 2 groups. One group was given messages of self-compassion with food, and the other was not.   When introduced to doughnuts and sweets, the women who felt bad about the sweets engaged in emotional overeating. The ones that were taught self-compassion did not.

Do you tend to self-sabotage?   While our intentions to change are usually in alignment with our highest interests, our subconscious, which controls 95% of our thought processes often sabotages our success.   You can learn more about subconscious blocks to healing in my videos here.

The good news is that releasing subconscious barriers releases the negative thought patterns and the emotions that drive our sabotage, so that we can act in alignment with who we want to be!   We can even release subconscious barriers to self-compassion!

Habits have often changed just within just one session!   We have a limited supply of willpower.   Why not make change easy?

IF you’d like to learn more about how I release subconscious barriers, you can find more information here, and call me at 1855 ENERJOY to schedule your complimentary consultation.

 

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