The Easiest Way to Stop Negative Self-Talk for Good!

The Easiest Way to Stop Negative Self-Talk for Good!

My client walked into my office on guard. She was stiff and seemed unable to relax.  While she had a pleasant demeanor, she really seemed to struggle with being at ease in her own skin.  In short, she reminded me of me just a few years ago.

How the negative self-talk began

I learned that she had a narcissistic father who was very controlling and critical.  With him she felt like she was always under a microscope, and that with every move she would make, she could be judged harshly.   I knew exactly what that felt like.   It is suffocating!   That kind of treatment left us both with generalized anxiety, self-contempt and constant self-criticism.   We both were constantly on guard.  We struggled with knowing who to trust, and often felt defensive.  For both of us, making decisions was fraught with anxiety.   We would always be second-guessing ourselves, and overly concerned about getting things right.   For her, the self-criticism and questioning her judgment continued long after her decisions were made!

The powerful effects of releasing negative self-talk

when we release the negative self talk we can be calm and confidentIn our work together, I started by releasing her barriers to self-love.   I helped her feel comfortable and secure with who she is, whether or not she was in the presence of others.   We released barriers to trusting people who were deserving of her trust.  We released barriers to help her know what to say with others, and to express her feelings, even if she disagreed.   After just two sessions, she now feels like she can be more authentic and is better at expressing herself.  She’s not worried about other people’s opinions, and finds it a lot easier to make decisions without all the negative self-talk!

I remember the day several years ago when I finally felt relaxed in my own skin. I had just done a session with another practitioner, and then went on a first date. I really liked the guy who I went out with, and normally in such circumstances, my energy would be spent trying to impress him. But I loved the date, not because of anything he did, but because I was able to relax feel at ease in my own skin and have fun!   That was a first for me! Interestingly, comparatively, he seemed to be the one that was nervous and on guard!

Before I discover these techniques, I was filled with self-loathing.   I can’t begin to tell you how much energy I spent beating myself up.  Thank goodness I’m no longer wasting my time that way.  Even now if I lose something, or if I make a mistake, or get mad at myself, I’m able to quickly remind myself that I’m human, and thus can’t expect perfection.   Then I redirect my focus to how to fixed the problem, or do better next time.  As my client said, instead of focusing on the past, we now focus on the future!

The consequences of negative self-talk

Stop beating yourself up. You are work in progress.Do you struggle with negative self-talk? 

Do you spend too much time beating yourself up?

I know how stressful and anxiety provoking that is!   It feels impossible to ever feel like you’re enough!  And yet all this negative self-talk gets in the way of you being at your best.  Just because others might have treated you harshly in the past does not mean that you deserve to be treated this way!   Negative reinforcement does not work.  It can reinforce negative beliefs about yourself that become self-fulfilling prophesies.   The fear of doing things wrong (aka perfectionism) can prevent you from trying new things, and thus restrict your growth.

On the other hand, being kind and compassionate to yourself gives you the mental space to learn from your mistakes and resolve to do better.

Luckily there are ways to let go of negative self talk.  I use the Body Code to release the underlying emotions and belief systems that drive these thoughts.   Imagine being unencumbered by self-doubt and self-criticism!  Imagine getting out of your way so that you can be at your best!  It’s all possible!  You can learn more about how we do that here, and contact me here for your complimentary consultation.

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