Why we might thrive or just survive

Do you feel blocked from achieving your dreams?

Are there specific things that you would love to be able to do, but it just feels too risky?

Some people are always doing something new. They push themselves to grow whether it’s with work, with hobbies, or personal development. Others live more stagnant lives. They may stay in the same jobs, stay in relationships that aren’t working, and never live the life they had hoped to live.

Our mindset is crucial to our potential for success.   People who dare to challenge themselves to try new things have the growth mindset. I’ve written more about the fixed vs. growth mindset in my article The Power of Believing You Can Improve. But what orients a person towards a growth mindset, more than another?

Much of the difference between the growth seeker and the comfort-seeker is derived from the type of attachment they had to their mother in early childhood.  

If we had a parent who was emotionally and physically available when we needed them, then we grew to trust that they would be there for us as we roamed and explored our environment.   This “secure attachment” to our parent provided us with the courage to be ourselves, to interact with the world, to try new things.   If we knew that they would be there for us, then taking risks, and doing things that challenged us or scared us didn’t seem so daunting.  We knew that we would still have a secure home base to return to.

Contrast this with someone who had “insecure attachment” with their primary caregivers.   Maybe their caregivers were too addictive, unstable or stressed out to be a good parent.   Maybe their parents could only love them if they conformed with their parent’s expectations.  Maybe the parents were a source of fear and anxiety for them as a child.  Without a secure attachment, trying new things could result in ¹‘failure’, and ‘failure’ without support becomes scary.  So children with insecure attachment are less inclined to push themselves out of their comfort zone.

These secure and insecure attachment styles predict the types of relationships we develop as we get older.   If we are used to stable parents, we are more likely to expect and attract stable relationships. If we have parents that are emotionally unavailable, are abusive or unstable, or are emotionally unsupportive, we often continue to attract people who treat us the same way until we heal from our original wounds.

Having a secure ‘home base’, with someone (it can be even a good friend or family member) who fosters our growth is key to thriving in life, rather than just surviving.

The bad news is that if you’ve had insecure attachment patterns throughout your life, it can be extremely difficult to turn things around. Luckily these patterns can change.

I regularly help clients clear patterns in their relationships.

Are you used to feeling like you can’t get support and no one has your back?   When I helped a client release this belief and the trauma from her experiences, she wrote a letter to 30 friends asking for their emotional and financial support, and has seen a complete turnaround in her reality!   Do you often feel like you are unfairly blamed for things you didn’t do?   Changing the belief, changes your reality.   Do you often feel neglected in relationships?   When we heal that wound, we no longer attract people who are emotionally unavailable.

If you want to go from merely surviving to thriving, I can help you develop that secure ‘home base’.

That ‘home base’ can be in the form of friends, family or a significant other.  By releasing the trauma of the past, the trauma that contributes to your beliefs that you can’t get your needs met, we change your internal reality to change your external one.

Imagine having the support and effective methods that allow you need to be the best version of yourself.  If you are ready to realize your dreams, learn more about the Body Code here and contact me here to schedule your complimentary consultation.

Know anyone that needs to find the courage to try new things?   Sharing is caring!  Please use the social media buttons to share!

 

 

¹If you feel like a “failure”, try reframing FAIL to First Attempt in Learning.