How to Have a Better Relationship

How to Have a Better Relationship

My client Rachel came to me consumed by anger with her ex. She said that he just knew how to get under her skin. She felt like he could reach from the depths of her soul and tear her heart out.   She had believed that he was her soul mate. But she couldn’t get over the story that severed their relationship years ago:  when she had felt like he had purposely tried to undermine her career.

When couples don’t get along

When clients come to me because a relationship isn’t working, sometimes they are full of blame. Other times, they feel guilty because they get angry and frustrated too easily, and they end up regretting their actions.   Sometimes they aren’t clear on why they aren’t getting along, but they know that they still want to try to find a way to have a better relationship with their partner.

Why can’t we just get along?

We are typically triggered by events or behaviors that we have encountered before.   We can also be more easily triggered depending on the experience of our ancestors. (For more information see my article, “How Can I Change an Inherited Problem? Introducing Epigenetics).  We often attract people who trigger us.   Why?   Because unconsciously, we are trying to resolve a previous wrong.

For example, if you’ve felt neglected for most of your life, you might be attracted to someone who makes you feel neglected. Or if you’ve had a parent who you had to take care of because of an addiction, you might attract a spouse with a similar issue.

To Have a Better Relationship, you Must Release the Triggers

release triggers

To have a healthy relationship, you must release the things that trigger you.

Luckily, techniques like the Body Code, Emotion Code and EFT reliably help client’s relationships change!   I typically use EFT when a client really wants to vent. When they can easily express the frustration, anger or disappointment with their partner. Then we begin to address the underlying triggers – either with the Body Code & Emotion Code or EFT.   When we calm down the nervous system around the things that trigger us, those triggers disappear.

I’ve had many clients who’s reactions change when we do this work.   Because we’ve released their emotions and negative thought patterns, it becomes easier for them to be their best selves when they are with their partner. Without the emotional triggers they can see things more rationally, and often are able to see how they’ve contributed to the problem. This opens the door for more a compassionate dialog and greater understanding.

So what happened with Rachel when we released all the betrayal, anger, grief and despair?   What happened when we released the negative story that kept her anger going?

Did Rachel’s Relationship Get Better?

When she had to see him again, she was able to be authentic with her emotions.  This was so powerful, that he admitted that he had truly loved her all this time!  He ended the relationship he was in, and pledged to change, and do what he could to make the relationship with Rachel work!  We were stunned!  But I wanted to make sure that she approached the new phase of their relationship cautiously.  So we released any barriers that could get in the way of her seeing the whole picture and being careful.   Slowly bit by bit, with the help of expert guidance, they have been rebuilding their relationship!

Do You Know Any Couples that Long for a Better Relationship?

What would a better relationship look like?While couples counseling is important to do, it does not completely release the triggers of each person’s past. Any strategies that we learn, are much more difficult to employ if we still get emotionally charged.   When we release the emotions and the negative stories, we approach our partner with a different energy.   The strain and tension in a relationship dissolves into the love that you felt for each other early on.  The strategies can help reduce tension in the future, and better ensure a healthy relationship, but the energy shift which comes from releasing past triggers is powerful, and can be sufficient depending on the couple!

Long for a better relationship?   Check out my program Learn to Love Again, and call me at 1855 ENERJOY for a complimentary consultation.

Featured image: “Young Couple Standing Back to Back Having Relationship Difficulties”  is by David Castillo Dominci at

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow by Email