3 Steps to Become Open Hearted

For most of my life, I was seen as indifferent, cold or standoffish.  I always admired people who could be loving and open hearted the moment we met. But I never felt comfortable letting down my guard with people that quickly.   I wondered, how could they trust someone so quickly?  How could these people be so  sure that they wouldn’t get hurt?

In those darker moments, I spent a lot of time in blame mode.   I blamed my farther for his constant criticism, for making me feel never enough. I blamed my mother for her inability to defend me against his attacks or stand up to him. I labeled my dad as an angeraholic, and my mom as a victim, and I was so stuck in these thought patterns that I couldn’t change my relationship with them.

I’ve come a long way since then. Now when I think of my parents, I no longer harbor any of the long-standing resentment or blame. When I think of my friends, or people I’ve met, I can approach them with an open heart. Without any conscious intention of doing something differently, I’m smiling more, I’m happier to see people and I’m noticing more love coming my way as well!

So what have I done to become more open hearted?

1. I changed my beliefs about people.

One of the most profound lessons I learned was from Gary Craig, the grandfather of Emotional Freedom Technique. He said, “I believe at any one point in time, every person is doing the very best that they can”.

Why?

In our day to day lives, about 95% of what happens in our brain happens at the subconscious level.   This is why it can be so tough to be the person we want to be. This is why when we decide we want to lose weight, so many of us self-sabotage.   In the depths of our subconscious, there are emotions, belief systems, messages we’ve been given by our environment, addictive thought patterns, and more that keep us mired in our habits. Depending on our upbringing, and even our inherited experiences, some of us have to fight harder than others to change specific behaviors.

This change in my belief about people allowed me to see everyone as a victim of their collective upbringing. When our emotions are too strong, we can’t be act in alignment with our highest intentions. I recognized that most people don’t have effective tools to release the negative emotions and beliefs that drive their behavior.    I can connect with that frustration of not feeling like I had the power to change the person I was.

This shift in belief allows me to focus on strategies to help people act in alignment with the best version of themselves, rather than deciding that a person is inherently evil.   I found it to be much less stressful, and far more empowering!

2.   I released my heart wall

Dr. Bradley Nelson, the developer of the Emotion Code and the Body Code, says that when we experience trauma, emotions can trapped anywhere in our bodies. When they are trapped around our heart, they form a Heart Wall.   Brene Brown refers to the same concept as heart armor.   The Heart Wall interfere’s with our ability to have passion, can dull our joy in life, and prevent us from being vulnerable (in a healthy way) in relationships.   When I released my heart wall, I felt a softening in my heart, and it allowed me to connect more deeply with others.

3. ) I practiced unconditional love toward myself

In this election cycle, I realized that the leaders that I am most attracted to lead with love and compassion. But leading from a place of love didn’t come easily for me, so I asked my subconscious what was getting in the way. In doing so, I learned that I had to feel unconditional love for myself!

When I realized this, it made complete sense. My parent’s love for me was full of conditions. I was constantly berated for what I wasn’t, and my parents couldn’t seem to hold any compassion for me. So while I had already worked on loving myself, my love towards myself was still conditional!

I released the beliefs, emotions and addictive thought patterns that were interfering with my ability to love myself unconditionally, and I noticed a profound shift that very day.   I noticed my desire to self-sabotage was reduced, and out of love for myself, it become easier to treat myself well!    Later that week, I was in a dance performance, and while my usual pattern was to berate myself for the mistakes I’d make, I focused on celebrating the things I did well! It was such a relief to find that I could enjoy the experience and the challenge, because my inner bully had effectively disappeared!

As for my attitude towards others, I noticed a real shift as well!   I started feeling a lot more love for my friends, and I for the first time I felt the love and trusted it in return!   This extended to people I knew less well.   Not only did I feel more open hearted, but I felt more warmth between myself and those I was connecting with!

Know anyone who wants to be able to open their heart and have more warmth in their relationships?   Please share this article with them!   The easiest and most efficient way to change your patterns is to release subconscious barriers. If you’d like to learn more about how I help people do that, check out my interview Releasing Subconscious Barriers: The Key to Health and Happiness.  You can also learn more about the Heart Wall here.   Then call me at 1855 ENERJOY for your complimentary consultation.

 

 

“Beautiful woman practices yoga on river in nature” courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net